There’s no healing in the hiding

I’ve suffered a lot of traumas in my life and the journey to healing has been a long one. A lot of how we walk through life is affected by our lived experience. And when, like me, your lived experience was to be chastised if you showed any emotion, shamed for having needs, the one who made sure everyone else was okay, who learned that if you did attempt to reach out for help, no-one was listening, it can be really really hard to get to a place where you reach out when you’re in need. And it’s not because the people around you now wouldn’t help you and support you. It’s because you learned that no-one was going to come so you stopped asking. You go through a thousand conversations in your head of reaching out but then make excuses for everyone as to why they won’t have the time – and all of the reasons people may have are genuine. But when you’ve lived a life where no one was there for you when you needed them, you can’t help but feel like this is how it will be. It leads to you struggling to make it through on your own and is a heavy weight to carry.

We were built for community. To be with other like-minded believers who will cover each other in prayer, provide for each other’s needs and love each other as Christ loves us. We were not built for isolation. That’s how the devil gets you. He sows discord in families, he sits in our churches, he knows scripture better than a lot of Christians and will come after your identity because he knows that if you have a sound grasp of who you are in Christ, he is not strong enough to stand against you.

We need to keep our hearts open. I had a bad experience with a friend, and we ended up going our separate ways and it hurt me deeply. But I couldn’t allow that experience to close my heart to making new friends. It taught me lessons I needed to learn, behaviours in myself I needed to change. Most of all it taught me how to love myself first. I could have shut myself off, assuming everyone else was going to be the same and treat me the same way, but then I wouldn’t have met the friends I have in my life now.

I had a rough week this past week and for various reasons I was feeling so low it was a struggle to take care of myself. I had a friend who held me through. A friend who has been so thoughtful in seeing me and being there for me. This person brought treats and prayed over me. It really lifted my spirits. Especially because I struggle so much with asking people to be there for me and in this case I didn’t need to ask. And it’s so bittersweet, because I thank God every day for bringing her to me, but it also reveals so much of what I’ve missed. To have a person who sees what I need and just covers me. I had another friend pray over me in church and say they had been praying for me all this last week. I am so blessed. I have people around me who are so genuine and authentic, and they don’t ask me to be anything other than who I am (not that I have even figured out who I am yet). And I know these ladies do the same for others, it’s who they are. I also know that if I hadn’t have allowed myself to be vulnerable and talk truthfully about what I am going through, isolating myself, then I would’ve missed out on these friendships. This is also the environment that has been created in the church that we attend. People genuinely look out for each other, supporting and praying over them.

I would’ve missed out on hearing other people’s testimonies which have encouraged me so much in being able to receive healing myself. I’ve been in places before where I’ve told people that abuse is a part of my story and the response was, “yeah, 1 in 3 people have” and that was a senior leader in church. Where I am now, there’s acknowledgement but also prayer and teaching to the freedom that you have in Christ.

We don’t heal by keeping the things we’ve been through in hidden places, locked away where no-one sees. The devil is in the darkness.

We heal by bringing things out into the light, where there is no shame. The place where there’s forgiveness and a community of believers to carry you through when you really need it.

If my friend hadn’t come round and prayed over me, I may well have been stuck under the same dark cloud right now. Prayer is powerful. Get yourself around people whose first response is prayer, people who you can see the fruit in their own lives, people who are obedient to what God asks them to do.

God isn’t asking for people who have it all together and know what they’re doing. He’s after people who listen to Him and are obedient. People who will trust His Word above what the world is telling them.

We moved 400 miles away from the only home I’ve ever known. It was lonely, it’s taken time, but we are now in a place where we have people we call family. The kind of people who could turn up at your doorstep at 2am and you’d welcome them in and switch the kettle on. The kind of people where it makes absolute sense to take a 40-minute car ride to their home to spend time with them. The kind of people that don’t drain you but energise you. And when I think that this is what God has been preparing for us, he knew and he was orchestrating it all so that we would meet these people and they would become a part of our lives.

I’m saying all this to encourage you, to say that your lived experience so far doesn’t have to be your future. To find a trusted friend, mentor, pastor or otherwise who will stand with you. There are people out there who will show you what it means to love like Jesus and when you find them, cherish them, let them know. Each time they see you it’s a wink from God letting you know He sees you and cares for you. Bring your hurts into the light – the darkness cannot go where the light shines.