Reflections

At the beginning of this year God gave me the verse in Joel 2:25 which has also become the verse I’ve built this ministry around. You can read more about the reason behind the name of the ministry here. 

The verse God gave me is all about restoring what has been taken by the swarming locusts. I was excited that God was telling me this was the year for me to be restored. Also because when God restores, he doesn’t just restore you to the same level that you were at before, he restores you to so much more beyond what you could think or imagine. This was the year I was really going to focus in to heal fully from trauma and begin to thrive in life.

I think if I had known everything I had to walk through this year right at the beginning of the year, I’m not so sure I would have persevered through it all. It has been worth it but boy has it been a year.

There were many times people prayed over me, without really knowing anything of what I had been through. Every single time the person praying would break the power of words that have been spoken over me. Those prayers continue to have effect even today.

I was focusing on healing my trauma this year and maybe this is why some people choose not to even look at healing their old wounds is that healing is hard. You have to really feel all these things you have been dissociated from for years. You have to look back to memories you had fought to not remember any more. You have to be honest with yourself about your own behaviours and where they come from. It takes a lot of self-awareness and reflection. It takes discipline. Anyone who has been a Christian for any length of time will understand the work it takes to renew your mind to the Word of God. You will also know how it is so worth it, the benefits you will find here will result in you thriving in life. No longer living in survival mode and reacting out of old trauma wounds. You can live a healthy life with healthy relationships.

Healing and Grieving.

Another thing about healing is you don’t realise the grief that it can bring. A grief for what you didn’t have and a grief for what is missing. Sometimes it’s things that are not good for you and shouldn’t be a part of your life, but there can still be a grief surrounding it.

There have been many times with our 2 children that we have handled difficult emotions and afterwards I find myself sobbing – because I have just responded to my child in a way I never received. It is healing generational trauma and it is good and I have found healthy ways to deal with situations that come up, yet there can still be a deep grief because that’s not how I was handled as a child. I’m so very blessed that I have this opportunity to change the narrative for my own children. To speak life and truth over them and teach them how to repair healthily within relationships.

I learned a lot of lessons. Not lessons that were particularly pleasant but nonetheless much needed. In hindsight I can see how I would not be able to move into what God has for me if I held on to old behaviour patterns and ways of operating in daily life. It has really revealed to me what surrender means. I’ve had to surrender relationships that I still find myself grieving over today. I’ve had to surrender what I thought was part of the plan in how I would receive my healing. But in both of those surrenders, what I have received has been ten times better than what I had. The relationships I have now, the person I have coaching me in therapy. A lot of this is because I’ve really put the effort in to change how I allowed other people to treat me and to trust God without knowing the answers or the next steps.

New Skills.

I’ve also gained new skills. The website that I have now is designed completely by me. I have learned how to use CSS to customise the way my website looks. I’ve installed plugins, worked through technical issues and I’m so close to being able to put my shop live so that people are able to buy the card designs I’ve created. I have some huge visions for where I want this to go, but for now, I am being faithful in the beginnings and focussing on doing what God asks me to do each step of the way.

In January I will be starting an online bible study as well, so look out for news of this and if it fits in with your timetable we would love to have you join.

It got to September this year and I was still deeply hurt by a broken friendship and therapy ending abruptly and unexpectedly I was asking God where this restoration was that he had promised. There was only 3 months left of the year and I knew God kept his promises so I was searching for anything I was missing to see what my next steps would be.

The best decision.

This is when I met my Christian Mental Health Coach. This one decision, which I’m sure was a move of the Holy Spirit because in the natural I would have had no way of coming across this person, changed my life. Somehow – thank you Lord – we connected. This lady has also experience mental health diagnoses and through her own journey of healing is now coming alongside other women and the Holy Spirit to guide us towards healing too. The tools that I have now have impacted my life so much that now instead of being greatly affected I am able to move through the difficult and thrive in daily life. The anxiety I once suffered daily with has almost vanished. My mindset has completely changed. How I feel about myself is much more aligned to the truth of God’s Word. It takes daily practice. I have exercises that I complete a few times a day and it is a discipline to keep up with them, but when I see the effect of that in my daily life and what has changed in me, it is more than worth it. I am more content with where I am whilst still working towards healing and fulfilling the call of God on my life with much more confidence than I have had before.

What Next?

Now as we near the end of 2024 and I ask God what the focus of the next 12 months will be I believe the word I have been given is Reawaken. I had so many dreams and visions and growth many years ago of where I wanted to go with God and what I felt called to and somehow my history of trauma got in the way. This is the year where together with the Holy Spirit I will reawaken all those dreams and visions and the calling on my life and put it into action. Restoration is still ongoing but now I am in a place where I can really feel that thriving in life is not just a possibility but an actuality.

I would love to hear your own testimonies of how God has worked in your life this year. If you give me permission I would love to post these on my website so that other people can also be encouraged.

I pray you all have an amazing Christmas and get some quality time with your loved ones.

Many Blessings

Kaz and The Lorelai Ministries UK Team.